Feeling disconnected in my relationship
I keep having this feeling we are not so close. This is a complicated matter, since relationships are very nuanced dynamics that demand no less proficiency of skills than other arts do, and I'm just getting into this discipline.
The relationship doesn't feel easy to me. I overthink and I worry, fear, and try to keep myself in a safe place, at a safe distance, sadly. This is not uncommon in romantic dynamics, yet I can point at issues, past events and enduring context, that haunt me as ghosts of uncertainty. I also see we are quite different; we come from different places and we are in different positions, so we see the world in a different light and don't seem to have much common ground and shared interests. It is often that I think are not compatible.
I find myself in doubt, unable to move forward, lacking intent and making low effort. We both see how the dynamic has shifted and talked about it. Today I realized it is starting to mirror the dynamic I have with this group of friends, whose interests drifted apart yet we keep going on in this sort of inertia because we don't have other 'close' friends, not putting that much effort and feeling unsatisfied.
I don't have many ideas on how to fix this. I know we can work on expanding our common ground, see if we can find more things to share. I agreed on going on a trip even when it scares me and therefor I don't really feel like doing it. So yeah, I find it difficult and I'm starting to feel I'm forcing things. We had a bunch of lows and not many (if any) highs, so it's been a lot of work. Sometimes it feels too much, others you look at it thinking that we can work through issues. This thoughts leave a bittersweet taste in my mouth. It is not only bitterness, but I feel like I'm missing periods, and not just instants, of only sweetness.